In our recent D&D game our heroes battled with some creepy blind zombies called "the Eyeless" on the ruins of an ancient bridge above a great underground chasm. Realizing that the creatures hunted by smell, the wizard and bard conspired to use magic to make the half-orc barbarian smell strongly of sandalwood to distract their creepy foes. It worked! Mostly... Here is the impromptu (and unedited) song the party bard wrote during the encounter!
The Ballad of Sandalwood
There once was a half-orc named Urg,
Who had the ridiculous notion I’ve
heard.
To smell of Sandalwood,
This idea, he thought, was good.
But I thought the idea absurd!
The smell, it lingered so long.
It’s effects were ever so strong.
It confused the strange guys
(With big hands and no eyes!)
And caused me to write this song.
Urg’s power, and powerful smell
Did help us all so well.
We chased down those creatures,
With their large, grotesque features,
And gave them a little taste of hell.
A rickety bridge we did cross.
We hoped our lives wouldn’t be lost.
The bridge, it did creak,
And I gave a small shriek.
But not all of us made it across.
Marthus, he frost-bowed the beast.
Which was a relief, to say the least.
Whilst, from ledge, Storm did hang.
But she climbed while I sang,
And lived through a dangerous feat.
Luckily, our Storm packed a rope,
Which gave us all great hope.
Across the cavern, she did throw.
With the rope tied, we did go,
And across that rope I did lope.
Marthus, he dangled and swayed.
With no place to go, there he stayed.
On the ledge we were stuck,
Quickly running out of luck.
So, on this drum, I continue to play.
From the rope, dear Marthus did fall.
Plunged into darkness, were we all.
Now no one could see,
And, Marthus, where could he be?
Down into the pit we should crawl.
Auziviir, with a torch, gave us light.
It was such a wonderful sight!
To be able to see,
Yet to know we’re not free,
Did continue to add to my fright.
Urg, with his Sandalwood smell,
Went down into the chasm of hell.
With the taunt of dangling rope,
Marthus felt like a dope,
And Urg found where our dear Marthus
fell.
From the pit, we heard a “Go Azi!”
cry.
“Don’t call me Azi!” was Auziviir’s
reply.
Raging, the undead she impaled.
Their weapons repelled by her
chainmail,
As Urg clamored up towards the sky.
From the cavern, Marthus and Urg did
appear,
And crossed the pit with no fear.
We took a rest for some time,
While Marthus drank down his wine,
And continued to anger poor Auziviir.
The pungent smell of Sandalwood,
Which Urg insisted was good,
Did linger too long,
Through the end of this song.
And thus concludes the Ballad of
Sandalwood.
